Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Confessions of a Shy Girl

I was thinking today, if I could acquire one personality trait that I do not already have, what would I want? I would most whole heartedly want the ability to talk to people. I am no good at chatting or just casual conversation. It sort of goes along with being shy, but it also comes from just not knowing what to say to people. Some people attribute awkward conversation skills as a sign of stupidity. They assume “Well, that person just doesn’t have the brains to make good conversation.” That is not true. I do not say that out of pride because I happen to know my IQ score and it’s nowhere near the “stupid” range. I’ve always wondered about the nature of my lack of a gift for gab. Am I too shy? Am I simply afraid of what people will think of me? Sometimes I just cannot think of anything I want to say. If there is nothing worth saying, why talk? Then again I wonder if I have a hard time talking to people because they tend to be extremely shallow. I don’t care about what reality TV show someone watched last night. I don’t care about which celebrity is doing what. I don’t care about your new designer shirt or the cute shoes you bought. I don’t care about which superstar’s CD you just got. I don’t care. Should I? Boring shallow people drive me up the wall. Maybe that’s part of it. I don’t like talking to people because I’m tired of all the same old shallow, pointless small talk. I crave conversation with depth. I’m tired of meaninglessness. Perhaps I am too serious. I am loath to endure the light conversation necessary to find out if a person has any depth underneath. How I wish I just had the gift of engaging people in easy conversation. UG!

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